This was written January of 2014
Last night I baked cookies with my doodle. My youngest girl, my sweet Sam. I didn't do it because I wanted to. I didn't do it because I had a hankering for something sweet. I did it because I didn't want her to ask me anymore.
You see my oldest decided she wanted to make cookies for another Awana club on Sunday. We got the chocolate chips. Had her pull the ingredients down. Showed her where the recipe was on the bag. Told her to have fun, she was on her own. This "was her thing". The two oldest made cookies. Sweet Sam was left out. Since, my sweet doodle has been begging (at times whining) to make cookies, cause this Momma promised we would. She was right. I promised. I didn't give an exact day or time. I don't know how I will feel from one moment to the next with these crazy pregnancy hormones. And honestly I kind of hoped she would forget. (HA!)
Well, last night was the night. It actually went fairly smoothly. If you ignore the toddler who tried to push Sam of the stool and bite her in the butt cause she wouldn't move. And if you don't mind not being able to breathe because your 3-year old pushed a chair making you almost immobile in the corner. And if you don't mind picking up all the magnets and papers that above referenced toddler pulled off the fridge because he found himself something else to do. But my Sam was happy. That's all that really mattered in the end, I guess.
Fast forward to Mom putting the fourth batch of these cookies into the oven. Children in bed. Kitchen quiet. Me, really wanting to be sitting with my hubby or working on some sewing that needs to be done. But no I am once again putting more cookies into the oven. Really actually hating cookies in the moment. (Yes, I of all people just said hate cookies...eek!) Wondering why I even bothered. Job always seems to get half done and this Momma is left to finish and usually clean up. ~Yes I know this goes back to training, but I have admittedly not trained my children well insome many areas, but this is where we are. This is where I am.
It was in this moment that I realized that I am not the Momma that I had always dreamed of being. The baking Mom. The crafty Mom. The clean house Mom. The Mom whose house everyone wants to be at. You know the one with the white picket fence. The house that has 2.5 kids and a dog and a cat. The Mom who does all kinds of fun crafty things with her kids. The Mom who bakes with the kids and enjoys it, even when there is a mess. The Mom with patience. The one who never loses it.
I started that way, sort of. But I am about as far from that dream Mom as I could get. We live up a dirt road. We do not have neighbors. The man I married wouldn't have it any other way. I truly am not sure that I would want to have to paint that white picket fence all the time anyhow. 2.5 kids, who came up with that anyway! Twice that is so much fun, in our own crazy way. Can't wait to see what happens with 6. Animals galore. I do LOVE when my house is clean, which is rarely ever. As soon as one nook is clean the others are destroyed. I truly enjoy cooking, baking, sewing and crafting. Unfortunately I like to do it on my own. It is out of my box to let my children help. It is hard for me to climb out of my box. It is easier to just do it myself. No extra mess. No fights. No loss of patience. No yelling. No crying. No whining.
I am okay with not being that dream Mom in all other aspects. I rather enjoy how different it all turned out. But I want to change this aspect. I want to enjoy my children while doing the things I enjoy doing. I want to teach them how. I want to do it with patience (which I lack). I want to do it without losing it (ugh!). I want it to be like last night. Maybe without the toddler issue, but he really just wanted batter.
We don't really do New Year resolutions. This year we took after a friend and picked a word we would like to work on in our lives. Mine was diligence. But after last night I really want to work on patience. I need patience. And I know that the only place, the only One, that I will find it in is in the Lord. My goal is to grow closer to my Lord and gain patience. Patience within my home. With my children.
"With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love," Ephesians 4:2
"Love is patient and kind;" 1 Corinthians 13:4
01-23-2015
I came across this in my blog roll. I truly have too many drafts. In a lot of ways I am still here. We have worked on patience. To say I have arrived, would be, well...foolish! No where close. I still pray for patience. I still have a lot of work to do. I am still learning to let the kids do and learn alongside of me. But I have made progress in the last year. We have been sewing and cooking and crocheting together. And it has been really good!
Last night I baked cookies with my doodle. My youngest girl, my sweet Sam. I didn't do it because I wanted to. I didn't do it because I had a hankering for something sweet. I did it because I didn't want her to ask me anymore.
You see my oldest decided she wanted to make cookies for another Awana club on Sunday. We got the chocolate chips. Had her pull the ingredients down. Showed her where the recipe was on the bag. Told her to have fun, she was on her own. This "was her thing". The two oldest made cookies. Sweet Sam was left out. Since, my sweet doodle has been begging (at times whining) to make cookies, cause this Momma promised we would. She was right. I promised. I didn't give an exact day or time. I don't know how I will feel from one moment to the next with these crazy pregnancy hormones. And honestly I kind of hoped she would forget. (HA!)
Well, last night was the night. It actually went fairly smoothly. If you ignore the toddler who tried to push Sam of the stool and bite her in the butt cause she wouldn't move. And if you don't mind not being able to breathe because your 3-year old pushed a chair making you almost immobile in the corner. And if you don't mind picking up all the magnets and papers that above referenced toddler pulled off the fridge because he found himself something else to do. But my Sam was happy. That's all that really mattered in the end, I guess.
Fast forward to Mom putting the fourth batch of these cookies into the oven. Children in bed. Kitchen quiet. Me, really wanting to be sitting with my hubby or working on some sewing that needs to be done. But no I am once again putting more cookies into the oven. Really actually hating cookies in the moment. (Yes, I of all people just said hate cookies...eek!) Wondering why I even bothered. Job always seems to get half done and this Momma is left to finish and usually clean up. ~Yes I know this goes back to training, but I have admittedly not trained my children well in
It was in this moment that I realized that I am not the Momma that I had always dreamed of being. The baking Mom. The crafty Mom. The clean house Mom. The Mom whose house everyone wants to be at. You know the one with the white picket fence. The house that has 2.5 kids and a dog and a cat. The Mom who does all kinds of fun crafty things with her kids. The Mom who bakes with the kids and enjoys it, even when there is a mess. The Mom with patience. The one who never loses it.
I started that way, sort of. But I am about as far from that dream Mom as I could get. We live up a dirt road. We do not have neighbors. The man I married wouldn't have it any other way. I truly am not sure that I would want to have to paint that white picket fence all the time anyhow. 2.5 kids, who came up with that anyway! Twice that is so much fun, in our own crazy way. Can't wait to see what happens with 6. Animals galore. I do LOVE when my house is clean, which is rarely ever. As soon as one nook is clean the others are destroyed. I truly enjoy cooking, baking, sewing and crafting. Unfortunately I like to do it on my own. It is out of my box to let my children help. It is hard for me to climb out of my box. It is easier to just do it myself. No extra mess. No fights. No loss of patience. No yelling. No crying. No whining.
I am okay with not being that dream Mom in all other aspects. I rather enjoy how different it all turned out. But I want to change this aspect. I want to enjoy my children while doing the things I enjoy doing. I want to teach them how. I want to do it with patience (which I lack). I want to do it without losing it (ugh!). I want it to be like last night. Maybe without the toddler issue, but he really just wanted batter.
We don't really do New Year resolutions. This year we took after a friend and picked a word we would like to work on in our lives. Mine was diligence. But after last night I really want to work on patience. I need patience. And I know that the only place, the only One, that I will find it in is in the Lord. My goal is to grow closer to my Lord and gain patience. Patience within my home. With my children.
"With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love," Ephesians 4:2
"Love is patient and kind;" 1 Corinthians 13:4
01-23-2015
I came across this in my blog roll. I truly have too many drafts. In a lot of ways I am still here. We have worked on patience. To say I have arrived, would be, well...foolish! No where close. I still pray for patience. I still have a lot of work to do. I am still learning to let the kids do and learn alongside of me. But I have made progress in the last year. We have been sewing and cooking and crocheting together. And it has been really good!
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